STOPLOOKLISTEN to the people in your life

The Jewish New Year is today. It is a time for reflection, new beginnings, and also a time we often say, “I can’t believe how fast time has gone!”

When discussing the concept of time, the sentiment that usually rings the loudest is how time keeps moving faster and faster. However, the other day my friend/ hairdresser/magician, shared a book with me about this concept, and in it was a quote that struck me:

“Time isn’t speeding up, we are.”

I have felt for a while now that the Universe must be sitting on the fast forward button as so many of us play beat-the- clock every day. But perhaps it is we who are pushing the hands of time. We’re busy running errands, texting, checking email, quickly grabbing food to eat quickly in the car between the soccer game and the dance class. Everything has to happen quickly. The red light doesn’t turn green fast enough, going 75 mph in the fast lane feels slow, and if a web page doesn’t open immediately we become impatient and frustrated.

The Internet is a huge contributor to increasing the speed of life and usurping our quality time and attention from others. People take nosedives into their phones all day long walking down the street, driving in the car, and while sitting with each other at a meal. They say the average person checks their phone 150 times a day. Noses are down and life’s moments are escaping. They are flying by. We run around being busy, often neglecting our most precious relationships and ourselves.

It truly takes a conscious desire and awareness to be present and in the moment. I encourage and challenge us all to slow down a little and make an extra effort to listen more intently, and to look at those you love more attentively. Thornton Wilder addressed this issue years ago, and with such eloquence and emotion. I’ve cited this passage before from Our Town and still, each time I read it I get goose bumps and a lump in my throat. It is also a moving reminder with which I will leave you to contemplate:

(Emily has just died in childbirth and has been given the chance to go back home to a time she wishes to see. Looking at her mother and father whom she will never see again, she realizes that it was a mistake have gone back.)

 “I can’t bear it. They’re so young and beautiful. Why did they ever have to get old? Oh, Mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me. Let’s look at one another.

I can’t. I can’t go on. It goes so fast. We don’t have time to look at one another. (She breaks down sobbing, she looks around) I didn’t realize. All that was going on in life and we never noticed. Take me back – up the hill – to my grave. But first: Wait! One more look. Good-by, Good-by, world. Good-by, Grover’s Corners. Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new-ironed dresses and hot baths, and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth, you’re too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? – every, every minute? I’m ready to go back. I should have listened to you. That’s all human beings are! Just blind people.”

Stop. Look. Listen. Not just a helpful reminder before crossing the street, but perhaps also for making our way through life with more awareness and appreciation.

And as always…

Live Passionately and Vulnerably,

Nancy

love of life pic

I think so. I do think, however, that sometimes it’s the love of your life for a reason, or perhaps just a season. And yes, for a lucky few, it is for a lifetime. Until death do they part.

The other night I witnessed a moving tribute exemplifying the latter. I was fortunate enough to be present at McCabe’s Guitar Shop in Santa Monica, where Buffy Ford Stewart and the John Stewart Band performed a tribute show for what would have been John’s 75th birthday. John, best known from the Kingston Trio, died 7 years ago from a stroke at the age of 68. “John was my first love,” Buffy says, “my one and only love.” They were together for 43 years until he died.

Buffy herself is a survivor of several cancers and various surgeries, not to mention the loss of her great love. The evening was even more meaningful for me because Buffy was my first singing teacher when I was just 10 years old. She knew my family, and back in 1971/72 she recorded three songs that my mom composed. After her show, I had the honor of reconnecting with her, and the pleasure of giving her a CD of those songs that she sang over 40 years ago.

Buffy’s and John’s relationship is a storybook love story. It is rare to find a love so strong; a love that sustains through the best and worst of times. I have been blessed to know a handful of couples who have successfully ducked divorce or death, and others whose second or third time around seems to be the life-long charm.

I recently wrote about the loss of someone very important to me. At the age of 87, Mirk passed away in June, on the day of his 60th wedding anniversary. Marcia and Mirk had been planning their anniversary party for over a year, which was scheduled for a couple of weeks later. Marcia decided that the party should go on as planned, as a celebration of their life together.

Five months prior, I visited them with my video camera in tow, to interview them about their secrets for staying married almost 60 years. I asked about their thoughts on love, how to get through tough times, and the keys to living a happy fulfilling life. Then in June when Mirk passed away, I realized I had a treasure residing in my laptop that needed to be shared. I asked Marcia if I could create a DVD from that interview as a tribute to him and their marriage to be shown at the anniversary party. She responded with a resounding, “Yes!” So, with almost 100 family members and friends gathered around, we watched them in action.

Secrets to a long-term marriage

DVD cover and label designed by: Compu-Graphics. Email: info@compugds.com

There was laughter and there were tears. Seeing people’s emotional responses and receiving many requests to create a living memory on DVD for other families, made me realize that there is a need and incalculable value in creating DVD’s such as this. Interviews with family members or special friends for their anecdotes, grandma and/or grandpa telling their stories, challenges, dating tales, advice and secrets of life. Capturing moments in time leaving a legacy for children, grandchildren, other family members and friends to cherish forever, from generation to generation: Priceless.

Secrets to a long-term marriage

DVD cover and label designed by: Compu-Graphics. Email: info@compugds.com

Secrets to a long-term marriage

DVD cover and label designed by: Compu-Graphics. Email: info@compugds.com

This idea is so new, that I have no name for it yet, and I am welcoming your suggestions! In fact, if I choose the name you submit, I will produce a DVD for you and your family for half price! So please email me your ideas for a name and/or to talk with me about preserving the stories, wisdom and personalities of your family members, creating a priceless gift for your family. I can be reached at: nancela111@gmail.com.

And once again, with Marcia’s permission, I invite you to watch below and see “Marcia & Mirk in Rare Form.”

Secrets to a long-term marriage

DVD cover and label designed by: Compu-Graphics. Email: info@compugds.com

Here’s to keeping our family stories, history, and loved ones, alive!

Ladies and Gentleman, the incomparable Marcia and Mirk:

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