I  have had many articles published about dating, and a topic that seems to reboot quite frequently is the frustration with technology and its growing consequences on our lives and in our relationships. While there are many upsides to our accessibility for instant news, communication, and gratification, there is always a flip side.

How often do we see people interacting more with their electronic devices than those they’re with? We seem to be growing more and more comfortable communicating via our not-so-social media: texting, e-mailing, or using Emoticons to express how we feel vs. looking at one another.

This can be especially true when it comes to courting or dating online. We get to be the great and powerful Oz hiding behind the screen, which makes us more comfortable to be who we are, or perhaps even who we’d like to be. The reality is that there is no substitute for face-to-face interaction.

Back in the day, there was a TV show called The Dating Game. Little did we know just how big of a game dating would become. We’re now overwhelmed with thousands of pictures to look through with new faces popping up every day. It is a virtual buffet of possibilities and with so many choices it is tiring, overwhelming, and elicits the fear that we might miss out on Mr. or Ms. Right if we jump off the search-mobile too soon.

Is there a way for technology to undo the solitary monsters it has created and get us out from behind our phones/computers to meet a potential partner sooner rather than later?

Justin Long, a Vancouver based computer researcher and developer, founded Bernie A.I. believing that technology got us in this mess and it can get us out.

Bernie is a personal assistant Long designed to “become an extension of you, to handle the time consuming part of online dating.” It all started in a bar when he got tired of watching his friends swiping away the evening with faces buried in their phones. He felt that way too much time was being wasted immersed in technology, virtually slowing the process of getting out into the real world on an actual date; so he decided to automate the matchmaking process.

Using artificial intelligence, Bernie learns who you find physically attractive, connects to your favorite dating sites, and matches with people who meet your criteria. After striking a conversation, Bernie determines mutual interest and notifies you when someone is ready to chat.

Long strongly feels that A.I. will continue to improve the quality of our daily lives. Although Bernie is specialized in expediting real-world intimacy, Long has no shortage of examples of how he feels A.I. will solve personal pains of everyday life. “Finding a job and learning more about others around you are two prime examples of what A.I. has to offer. Too many people have been fed this vision that A.I. will take our jobs. I believe it’s going to help us get back into the human experience in real life.”

For me, the most touching part of the story is how Bernie got its name. The app is named after Long’s dear friend Bernie, who kept pushing him to venture out into the dating world, and it was because of Bernie’s encouragement, Justin found his first long-term girlfriend. Bernie passed away not long after, and in a strange twist of irony, the cause of his death was an enlarged heart.

Bernie A.I.’s debut is just around the corner. If using Bernie as an online wingman can get singles out from behind the screen sooner, overcome dating fatigue, return them to the human experience of dating and bring the one person to their inbox who is genuinely interested; he might just become the first techie super hero.

Perhaps A.I. will be the “hair of the dog” –the best cure for what ails us is having more of it…? I suppose time and technology will tell us–literally.

Published and featured in Huffington Post! Click here!

To see more about Bernie visit: http://www.bernie.ai/

Two very happy couples share their secrets in honor of Valentine’s Day!

Remember to Live Passionately and Vulnerably!….

<3 Nancy

This post is dedicated to all of you who continue to support me by reading and sharing my articles here on NancyTellsAll, and the ones that have been published on other websites. This year has been one of more transition, and in 2015, I am confident there will be even more… including more posts, more videos, and…who knows what surprises will be in store!

Change can be challenging, but remember that as the pieces begin to fall into place, we see things a bit more clearly and we will  have learned more about ourselves, grow stronger and become more confident. And yes, I’m sure I will need to remind myself of this as well!!

Happy, Happy Holiday Season to everyone! Enjoy each and every moment with those you care about–including time with yourself–the person you need to nurture most! And remember…THESE are the Good ‘Ol Days!!

And as always…

Live Passionately and Vulnerably,

Nancy

I have been receiving questions about relationships, love, sex, marriage, etc. from readers, so I’ve decided to occasionally post a “Nancy Answers All” column. Below is the first question for Nancy Answers All!

Q: I have a lady friend and neither of us is in, nor is ready to be in a relationship, but we are very attracted to one another. I just know that sex with her will be incredible, and we have known each other for a long time so there is a comfort level there. While it seems like a win-win in some ways, perhaps maybe it’s not so much in others. What do you think?

A: Can there be a deafening silence? Can you be busy doing nothing? Can there be friends with benefits? This strikes me as one of those oxymoron’s. Not that people who jump into sexually healing waters with a friend are morons; but like oxymorons, while it might be possible, does it make sense?

If you can really truly have sex with a friend and not expect anything more in return, then yes. But the term itself can lead to certain expectations.

If you call yourselves friends with benefits, the word ‘friends’ implies that you might do things that friends do. Friends share thoughts and feelings. They help each other if they’re sick or moving. They call to see how you are doing, and they do whatever it is that friends may do together. What is your definition of a friend? This is a sticky wicket. Instead of Harry and Sally deciding if men and women can just be friends, we wonder, can they be just be friends and be naked sharing multiple erotic fantasies and orgasms. Or even better, the other way around!

So, I guess my best piece of advice to you is this:

If all you want is someone to dance with between the sheets, or at the kitchen sink, in front of the closet mirror, or hanging backward off the bed, then just say so, and don’t couch it (sorry for the pun) with being friends. If this is the case, perhaps instead, you can just ask him/her if they want to be “Your Benefit!”

If you do want more than the occasional sexually fulfilling hook-up, I think the key is to be very, very direct about what it is you both want and don’t want from this non-relationship. This will help to avoid unrealistic expectations, disappointments, or hurt feelings. While there are no guarantees, I think this is the best method of protection when bedding a friend.

If any readers would like to chime in, please feel free to post your thoughts in the comment section below!

And please send in any questions to nancy@nancytellsall.com for future posts of Nancy Answers All!

Until then,

Live vulnerably and passionately!

Nancy

For the past few months, words and pictures have been beyond my grasp. Prior to this creative void, I would see pictures in every day life that would conjure up words in my mind, creating yet a totally different picture that I was excited to express and to share. Conversely, a certain word or words would create a picture in my mind I couldn’t wait to describe, hoping to encourage and inspire perceptions unique to each person. But for the past few months, this was all on pause. I dare say, on mute. Unsure, and at times bothered by my lack of inspiration, I didn’t force myself with self-imposed shoulds or deadlines. I figured it would happen organically.

And it did. Tonight I went to see the movie Words and Pictures. While it received a mere 39% from critics on Rotten Tomatoes, it was personally recommended to me as worthwhile, which I often find more accurate than many of the movie ‘mavens.’ This was one of those instances. While one driving force of the movie is the dynamic sexual tension between the two main characters, the predominant issue is the debate between words and pictures: which has the most impact? It is this question that appears to be the pilot light igniting my butt back to my laptop with an entirely new view of things. Tonight, words that have been lying dormant are now percolating in my mind.

The picture of my world has changed in many ways since I last wrote. I am metaphorically sitting in the middle of a clean canvas surrounded literally by a new frame. For the first time in over 30 years, I am living alone. At this very moment I am sitting on my balcony (albeit in a blue fold out chair with cup holders which will one day grow up to be nice patio furniture) of my own place, looking up at the stars, sipping a glass of Chardonnay I picked up on sale at World Market. Or as I still call it, Cost Plus. It’s a balmy night, and the only light is from the full moon, a few blurry stars, and my computer illuminating back to me once again, that which I am thinking and experiencing.

Since I last wrote, I also lost someone very near and dear who had been in my life for over 30 years. Mirk’s quick wit, and puns were unmatched. The sparkle in his voice and in his eyes always made me feel so very, very special and loved. I love him and will miss him so very much.

My children are approaching and accomplishing milestones with tremendous stride, confidence, and grace. I am realizing that sometimes I won’t be able to be there for all of these moments the way I want to be, the way I used to be. This is not easy.

Words cannot adequately describe how it feels when the picture of our life as we knew it changes, and how it feels to experience the tug and the pull of those moving pieces. But the truth is, we wouldn’t want our life’s picture to remain stagnant.

As I unpack picture after picture of what my life used to look like, I feel pangs in my chest missing what was, but at the same time I am looking forward to what will be. While we usually can’t see clearly what will come next, I believe we need to trust that we are where we need to be, and not force anything. Take chances, think outside the frame, and enjoy what time we have on this canvas of life.

Which has the most impact, words or pictures? I think together they are more simpatico than adversarial. Just like change and life. If we allow them to work together, the possibilities are endless.

I’ll be writing again sooner, rather than later…

CLICK HERE TO WATCH or on the arrow below!

Be sure to share on FB, Twitter, and Email!

CLICK HERE or on the arrow below!

My two-week hiatus has been temporarily interrupted to let you know that a new article I wrote has been published! Please check out the link below!

Also, don’t forget to e-mail me any questions you have regarding relationships, dating, divorce…anything that’s on your mind to nancy@nancytellsall.com. I want to begin posting a video where I will (anonymously) answer your questions and discuss your topics. While this is for ‘entertainment purposes,’ it is also with the intention of helping however I can as a Life Coach, and as someone who has shared similar experiences.

I can’t wait to hear from you!!

Please click link below to see the article!

http://www.purposefairy.com/65427/are-you-thinking-your-way-out-of-happiness/

Two of my lovely (younger) co-workers enjoy teasing me as often as possible whenever they make a reference to something that I don’t understand. They say, “Hash-tag Gen;” or to put it more correctly #Gen. This twitter tech talk implies that I am of a different generation, and do not understand what the hell they are talking about. Ouch! This especially hurts since I just celebrated another year to add to my resume of life experience.

Birthdays are to be celebrated. Each new wrinkle, unwanted hair, stiff joint, and achy muscle represents just how much life experience we have endured; they’re our medals for surviving the ride. A break in our heart, tear in a tendon, or a bulging disc may be additional aftermath that lay on our path of a well-seasoned life. However, on this road well traveled also lie stories of courage, intrigue, humor, and probably even romance.

Everyone has a story. However, in our society today, the older gens are often ignored. I remember after a social get-together, my Grandfather saying how he felt that no one cared to hear what he had to contribute to the conversation. He was frustrated that his wealth of wisdom went unappreciated, and he felt ignored and unimportant.

That something secondhand and broken still can make a pretty sound, Don’t we all deserve a family room to live? Oh, the words can’t stay unspoken until everyone has found, That Second-hand White Baby Grand, still has something beautiful to give. I still have something beautiful to give.–Second-Hand White Baby Grand Lyrics–Smash

In talking to seniors, feeling unimportant is quite a common sentiment. On a daily basis I meet many wonderful people (well, some are not so wonderful!). One day I met Ellen, a very sweet and wise older woman in her eighties. She was sitting by her lonesome with the sunset backlighting her gray hair, creating a bit of a halo affect. As I walked by, she looked at me as if she needed to talk. I wasn’t busy, so I sat beside her on the couch. She asked me her question, I answered it, and she thanked me profusely for taking the time to talk with her. She continued to say that usually younger people (I was sure she wasn’t including me!) don’t have the patience to listen to her, and they talk too fast.

The next day I saw her sitting in the same spot on the couch by herself and I sat down beside her once again. Her face lit up, and she began to tell me about her day’s adventures, which segued into her life adventures. She told me how she used to be a teacher tutoring kids who had learning issues, how her husband had passed away, and how she is keeping her teaching license current because ‘you never know.’  She continued, “Getting to know yourself isn’t easy and I wish I understood myself better when I was younger. If I had, I could have learned from my domineering mother-in-law instead of letting her trample over me. Men need desperately to understand their own self and others. Women and men hold hands in work and life. My parents had a beautiful 74 years of marriage. They always discussed things. He never dominantly said things. It’s so simple, isn’t it? Life is beautiful!”

Generally speaking, we don’t deal well with aging, with regard to ourselves or others. I think age actually has more to offer than it takes away. Perception, as always is key.

The question is not what you look at, but what you see. –  Henry David Thoreau

So the next time a person older than yourself is around, maybe instead of looking at an older person, see all that they have experienced, and have yet to give. While there may be things we can no longer do as we get older, we need to focus on what we have to offer, and pursue what we weren’t able to do when we were younger. Perhaps now we can fulfill that dream or that passion we didn’t have time for before. Think about it.

 Consult not your fears, but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in,but with what it is still possible for you to do. – Pope John XXIII