humorous lessons in life after divorce

What’s wrong with this picture?: It’s Saturday night at 8:00 p.m. and I’m in my new soft fuzzy jammies from Costco, with my soft fuzzy blanket also from Costco, my very soft fuzzy socks from Old Navy, in my bed with my new soft flannel sheets from Kohl’s, reading the newest AARP Magazine!!

My first thought was: Everything is wrong with this picture! I’m a vibrant, fun-loving single woman! What the hell am I doing in bed with AARP? And on a Saturday night no less! The only thing missing was the 50 cats! (Apologies to cat lovers), but really?!

As these self-bashing thoughts were racing through my mind I was simultaneously reading an interview with Maria Shriver. Ah, the beauty of multi-tasking!

The article, however, was interesting enough to keep my attention even as the KFUK radio station was playing loud and clear in my head. (For those who are just joining me, KFUK is the station in our minds with a playlist that sabotages, bullies, and deflates us as it continually scrolls in a big negative loop until we realize we’re singing its messages out loud.)

I digress. As I was reading and mind-f-ing myself, I came to a paragraph that muted the noise in my head and struck a poignant chord. Shriver referred to what she called, “The Power of the Pause,” described as the importance of stopping and evaluating where we are in life. It was then that I realized I was pressing the pause button that Saturday night.

Taking time to evaluate doesn’t necessarily mean actively trying to solve the problems of your world. In fact, more ideas come from a mind at rest. When our mind has the luxury of chillaxing, it can help us to create and find the answers to our six million dollar questions. This is not unlike our computers. My kids are always telling me that I shouldn’t have as many programs running at once, and that I should occasionally turn it off to give it a rest so it can perform better.

Shriver continued saying, “First you have to slow your life down to find out if you’re actually living the life you are meant to live. Are you just gliding? Are you a dead woman or dead man walking? I know a lot of people who talk about being that. They hate their jobs, their lives….”

I think that sometimes we stay busy so as not to face changes that need to be made in our lives. If we’re busy we won’t have time to stop and realize how we might not be living in integrity.

  • Perhaps you are still dating someone mainly because it’s better than being alone and not because you have true feelings for them. You’re gliding along, but you are aware that you’re settling because you know there’s someone out there with whom you could soar, but you’re too afraid to take the risk.
  • Perhaps you aren’t where you want to be in your life.
  • Perhaps you’re in a loveless marriage.
  • Perhaps you’re in limbo and it feels so uncomfortable that you mask it with busy-ness.

Even if life is exactly how you want it to be, it’s important to take time to slow down and remember the power of the pause. Give yourself time to reboot and regroup. Don’t be afraid to slow down to see what it is you really want or what you want to do differently. Then, don’t be afraid to take the risk.

So, is there anything wrong with being alone on a Saturday night with my warm fuzzies? Not at all. If I start quoting AARP every week however, there could be cause for concern, and an intervention would be welcomed. For now, I’ll respect the pause.

 

 

 

10 Comments

  1. Jessica Ridley says:

    Love this article, as usual! However, that Saturday Night sounds AWESOME to me 🙂

  2. Jenny Smith says:

    Who knew that is what my radio station’s call letters are?!! I LOVE it! And I wish people would stop bashing women who have cats!
    Apologizing for it doesn’t take the sting out of it. Why don’t we start referring to “Cat Men?” Did you ever think that having cats (or any animal) means having a lot of love to give? Do we disparage women who love children? And who arbitrarily set the “correct” number to have?

    • Nancy says:

      Thank you for writing Jenny! To clarify, so as no animals (or people) are hurt in the making of this post, my ‘apology’ was meant for cat lovers everywhere–man or woman. Pets are a gift and I would never mean to imply otherwise.

  3. Ruthie:) says:

    Nancy, as always, you are insightful, funny and wise all at the same time! I’ve heard that radio station before, just didn’t know what it was called

    • Nancy says:

      Thanks Ruthie!! Yes, unfortunately KFUK radio is everywhere! It may never be able to be turned off completely, but we can at least learn how to turn it down or mute it for a while!

  4. Laura says:

    Nancy, it sounds like you and me and Jessica would love to have a slumber party, because that Saturday night sounds fun to me as well! Thanks for the insight and the reminder; I too, read that same article by Ms. Shriver in AARP – definitely thought provoking and your bringing it to the surface again might just be an omen.
    I love your posts, your humor and honesty! As always, I look forward to the next article!

  5. Nancy says:

    I received an e-mail from a reader that I just had to share. I am not one to boast, but I was so touched…

    “Hi, Nancy, Yes, we all need to pause and look around – I am a firm believer in this, and the clever way you write to get your points across is great – Irma Bombeck wrote like that – just like having a conversation with her – my hat off to you – you are terrific.”

  6. Hula Honey says:

    You hit the nail on the head again!!!!! Keep them coming.

  7. Howard says:

    Great post!! The treadmill of life can throw us off in a direction which is not helpful or liberating. Think of the “pause” as part of the “dash.” The dash of our life is the time between the date of our birth and the date of our death. The pause can claraify and elaborate the dash.
    Keep writing Nancy. I had not thought of it but your writing is very much like Erma Bombeck.

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