Every two weeks I have my nails done. Yes, I confess, this is something I splurge on for myself as a way to feel a little more comfortable about showing my bare-naked fat hands in public. The idea is that hopefully people will notice the beautiful red shades of “I Am Not a Waitress” or “Affair in Trafalgar Square,” instead of my fingers that look like a cross between giant sized Tootsie Rolls and stuffed sausage casings.

I digress.

At my last nail appointment, my manicurist friend and I were talking about a musical I saw called Having it All* where the audience observes five women, each longing for what they feel is missing in their lives. This inspired a conversation that lasted longer than it took my nails to dry so I continued it later that night with family. Both discussions raised the question: What does ‘having it all’ mean?…and is it possible to have…it all?

‘Having it all’ tends to imply that you have a successful career, kids, nice car, and home. You may also have as many material pleasures and frequent sexual pleasures as you wish… after you bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan…unless you keep kosher. Ah, so case in point…having it all means different things to different people.

What does ‘having it all’ mean for you? Is it vastly different for men and women?

This brings up an interesting issue as it relates to relationships…from the casually dating, to the more serious. In my experience, there are men for whom having it all means that they see you at least three scheduled times a week (including every Saturday for sure), talk every night on the phone for at least an hour, text regularly with enough kissy face emoji’s to satisfy an insatiable need for virtual love, and plenty of ‘likes’ on their Facebook posts. (To prevent them from regressing further into the seventh grade.).

For some men it merely means making a comfortable living, holding the hand of the woman they love, talking about each other’s day and cuddling. For others it means having various casual relationships with the ability to call your booty whenever they feel like it, and then return to their bat cave until they feel like picking up the bat phone for an emergency ‘pow’ ‘boff’ or slam bam thank you ma’am. From the needy to the greedy, ‘having it all’ looks very different.

For women, it can get complicated. Some are career driven and have no interest in having children. Others just want be at home with their kids, and some want all of the above, and more. I think many women feel they have to do it all in order to have it all, and be sexy mamas in scanty ‘jammas! The roles of men and women have changed so much over the years it has become difficult for both to navigate.

These days we not only have a surplus of fruit infused vodkas, but media infused minds. We’re all deluged with images on TV and in magazines as to what our lives should look like. With a smile you leave your storybook home and get in your imported car, sporting your designer suit, purse and shoes, wearing your age defying lotions on your way to get botoxed, waxed and airbrushed to meet your six-pack guy or fake boobed gal to eat a five star dinner which you will work off for two hours in the gym the next day wearing the latest in Lululemon workout clothes.

Are we supposed to want all this so we feel that we’re having it all? In talking with my manicurist friend (personally I think nails and therapy for the price of one is having it all), we discussed all of the things it would be nice to have and do. Then she asked me, “Do you think having it all, is everything?”

I didn’t have to think about my answer for too long. Would it be nice to have and do more? Absolutely, and I have goals and dreams to which I aspire. But most importantly, when I have the all too infrequent chance to be with both of my grown children just sitting together talking and laughing, I am having it all. And yes, in that moment, it is everything.

*Having it All–Conceived by Wendy Perelman
Directed by Richard Israel
Music by John Kavanaugh
Lyrics by David Goldsmith
Book by David Goldsmith & Wendy Perelman