Make the most of your relationships

Why is it that we need reminders to be mindful of how temporary life is? We see young fireman dying while trying to save others. We see young adults and children whose lives are cut way too short due to drug overdoses, violence or abuse. Loved ones having strokes, cancer, or accidents, altering lives forever.

I think we need a reminder to be mindful, period.

How often have you finished a cup of coffee or tea without even remembering the act of drinking it? Have you ever driven somewhere, not remembering the ride? How many times have you put something away, and didn’t remember doing so?

As I was typing out some thoughts the other day regarding present moment awareness, the computer randomly began inserting dashes in be-twe-en le-tte-rs, and it would-n’t st-op. As I was about to start spouting four-letter expletives, I realized it was typing a message to me. The dash was significant. I once read a poem about the dash in between our birth date and the date of our death. The poem stressed the importance of the dash, as it represents our time alive on earth.

Are we paying attention as we move so busily here, there and everywhere?  Are our lives dashing away while we’re doing other things?

With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

These days we hear a lot about being in the moment (paying attention to and being mindful of what you are experiencing.). For instance, when playing “Candy Land” with your child, if you notice his/her eyes sparkle when they get to the candy castle first, you’re in the moment. You’re not, if you’re checking new emails on your phone. You’re in the moment if while kissing your lover you notice how his/her hand feels on your face and the softness of their lips. You’re not if you’re thinking about what errands you must run the next day.

When you observe children, you’ll notice that they are purely in the moment, not at all concerned about future or past events. If we could incorporate more of this focused attention in all we do, life wouldn’t whiz by in such a blur.

They used to say that the older you get, the faster time flies. Now-a-days, younger people are also amazed at how fast time is fleeting by. It’s no wonder the year feels like it’s moving on fast-forward when we see back-to-school ads in July, Halloween pumpkins in August, Christmas trees in September, and Valentine’s cards in December. We, as a society, are never in the moment! Also, with instantaneous news from around the world available at our fingertips, it distracts us from the moments in our own world.

Regardless of the above external distractions, our perception of time travel can be altered if you try,

  • Paying attention to your senses—touch, smell, sight, sound and taste, noticing all that surrounds you.
  • Breathing, noticing how it feels.
  • Doing less of what distracts you from engaging in activities that make you feel good.
  • Focusing on all things for which you are grateful.

Normally, we do not so much look at things as overlook them. — Alan Watts.

I was in the play Our Town in high school. There is a scene at the end of the play that has stuck with me to this day. I end with this, as I think it says everything that needs to be said.

Emily, the main character has died. She asks to go back to earth for one last visit, and she chooses her 12th birthday. She is warned by those who have gone before her that she shouldn’t do it, that it will be painful, but she insists. Here she expresses her frustration as she watches her mother busily making breakfast:

 “Oh, Mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me…I can’t! I can’t go on! It goes so fast. We don’t have time to look at one another! I didn’t realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed! Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it—every, every minute?”

Pay attention. Really look at those you love. Fill your dash with as many moments as possible.

 

 

 

9 Comments

  1. Robin says:

    MAGNIFICENT!!!!!!!!!!! I am on my way out to watch, smell and feel my dashes!

  2. sandy 3pm, july 19, 2013 says:

    With each passing year, the dashes get closer together. Time speeds by in light years.
    The older I’ve gotten, the more I realized that all I have is now. Seeing friends pass away is a wake up call over and over again.
    I”m always perplexed——-where did they go? How did this happen so fast?
    Being in the present I experience everyday, with the 5 dogs I live with. They’re always in the here and now. They are my great teachers.

    • Nancy says:

      Thank you for sharing that Sandy. You are so right. From my own experience, while memories are wonderful, I feel very sad when remembering those good old days with friends and family who are now gone, also wondering where did that time go? All the more reason to make these the good old days because it is all we have now.

      Thank you again for writing!

  3. pianogal says:

    This touched me so much! None of us really treasures our time the way we should. Mostly we take it for granted. When my babies were little, I tried to memorize their little faces because i knew they would grow and change day by day. Even with photographs, I wanted to stop, look and memorize! Such precious moments. I often forget to do that now……to remember my feelings about something that is important. I experience it without making a note of it. I am going to try to do better now. I think we CAN slow the hands of time by stopping a moment, digesting so to speak, what is happening and appreciating it. This could go for negative things as well. Stop and understand them for what they are, and move on. We all have those kinds of moments, too! To live a full life, you have to live in all kinds of moments. But let’s hope for more of the great ones!!!

  4. Barbara says:

    Nancy, this was beautifully written!!! I totally agree we all need to stop and smell the roses on our amazing journey through life!

  5. Howard says:

    An excellent and thoughtful post. Here is another Emerson quote which I think is thought provoking–” Why are we always looking back over our shoulders at what we said or did. Why do we go around dragging this corpse of memory. We must bring the past for judgment into the thousand-eyed present, and live ever in the light of a new day.”

  6. Hula Honey says:

    Thanks for the reminder to try to be in the moment. It is too easy to get caught up in the activity at hand and not smell the “roses”. I find myself most able to stay focused around children because as you say they are completely involved in what they are doing and don’t worry about what they are going to do next. The adults in their lives do that.

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